“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
So much has been written and said about the above verses that I don’t want to add too much, other than that the instructions to wives (Eph 5:22-24) have often been taught in isolation rather than together with the corresponding instructions to husbands (Eph 5:25-30), which results in distortion of the intent of the entire passage (all of the verses should be read, I just provided a few of them above for the sake of brevity). Mostly I provide them as a backdrop to a story in which I believe I gained some insight into them, despite the fact that I have never been married. First, some personal background: in my high school and college years, I was an ardent feminist who was easily angered by perceived male chauvinism. Over the years I became less zealous, as I noticed that my anger and indignation had no effect on the men I was angry at, so why bother? But, Eph 5:22-24 continued to bother me just to read them, as they seemed to me to be associated with abusive male dominance (as sadly, they frequently have been). In the Fall of 2005 I had the opportunity to go to Mississippi to do relief work for Hurricane Katrina. I announced the trip at church to recruit some people to go with me. One person who responded with interest was Marshia, who I hoped would go since she is a delightful woman and a very hard worker; she would have been a great asset to the team. However, when I later called Marshia to follow up, she told me, “Ted [her husband] says I shouldn’t go.” Although I didn’t say so, I was incensed. Sorry Ted, but the following thoughts went through my mind: “Mean Ted! Evil Ted! He’s preventing her from doing the Lord’s work! This is outrageous!” A few days later I saw Marshia and she told me, “I was in a traffic jam the other day for about an hour, and my knee is in a lot of pain from having to keep it in one position. I’m so glad that Ted had the wisdom to tell me not to go on the trip.” I was floored. Sorry Ted, for thinking those false and nasty thoughts about you. Sorry God, for not understanding that Your Word does have proper application, even if people sometimes misuse it.
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12 comments:
Loved the Ted and Marshia story...I probably would have had the very same thoughts you did towards Ted(and anybody else in similar circumstances). God certainly puts people in our paths to teach us stuff...even when we don't see it at the time.
Agreed ... and God has a great sense of humor too!
Beth, good thoughts. I like your transparency. too many christians don't do this - and the world thinks we are phonies!
good stuff
ron
Thanks, Ron. I learned so much about the value of transparency (as well as many other valuable things) from my 12 step support group. I'm sad that so many people are not open to joining such a group but would rather spend money on antidepressants, counseling, etc. (not that I am against those things, but why not try something that is relational and FREE).
I wonder why this one scripture is picked out when it comes to the subject of abusing scripture. Discipleship could easily fall into this category, tithing too to mention a couple. I think you were right in your first post that we just don't want to be told what to do by an authority, regardless of who the authority is.
Danny, good point that there are many other Scripture verses that are abused as well. However, whereas distorted teaching on tithing or discipleship is most prevalent in cults, distorted teaching on marriage relationships is much more prevalent and “mainstream”. One of the purposes of my post was to make it clear that I have no problem with teaching that a wife should submit to her husband; what I object to is when this is taught without the contextual teaching that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. My conclusion from studying the entire passage and observing the marriage relationships of those I know is that if both marriage partners are following the instructions of Ephesians 5, the relationship will be in harmony, but if only one or neither is doing so, there will be negative conflict, power struggles, and sometimes, abuse. I have seen those effects much more often than I have seen the effects of other distorted teachings.
I should have said you were right in part II as well. The picture of a humble heart comes through on your second post. I agree with you that there are many who abuse this scripture, I just don't personally know any. I supect that when it comes to abusing scripture; for thsoe who abuse this one it's just the tip of the ice-burg.
Danny, I see what you are saying, but I think that unbalanced teaching is a problem. I had a coworker who attends a large church in town and was sincerely trying to live as a Christian, but struggling with certain things (as we all are), including anger. He complained to me one time “My wife is not sufficiently submissive to me” so he understood her role, but his understanding of his own role appeared limited to the fact that he was the leader. He didn’t seem to understand that leadership in the Kingdom of God is servant leadership (John 13:3-17, Matthew 20:25-30). One time I overheard him on the phone ordering his wife to do something, and it was pretty harsh (he yelled at her and hung up on her in his first call, then called her back and spoke to her more reasonably in a second call). OK, he was having a bad day, and that was not his typical interaction with her, but his approach to his wife fell far short of God’s design, and I think that part of the problem was the teaching he had received at his church. By the way, I knew his wife and though not perfect either (obviously), she was a sincere Christian as well trying to live her part.
By the way, I wouldn't call what I described above "abuse", just out of God's order. I have never been married, so I don't know if I am just too idealistic, but I know that I would have a hard time being that guy's wife.
What is the name of your Tuesday evening meeting?
New Wine Christian 12 Step Support Group
Tuesdays, 7:30-9:30pm
Covenant of Grace Christian Fellowship
906 W. Peoria Ave, Phoenix
602-678-0999
Any and all issues are welcome
Mixed groups with respect to issues and gender
Open and friendly to non-Christians
I might call it abuse. I don't think you're being idealistic either. A woman should expect her husband to treat her with respect and to server her even. That said it would be idealistic I think to think that this is the way it's "always" going to be.
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